I’ve really enjoyed contributing to this online anthology of scary poems for children. The latest ticket is called, Halloween’s cancelled! But there also poems about Christmas, historical horror and other creepy mayhem. If you’d like to get involved visit the site for more details.
Recently, I realised all my poems thus far have a vegetable theme. As a vegetarian, perhaps veggies are a little more important to me than I realised…
I hope you enjoy my vegetable verse!
Don’t Lose Your Pumpkin-Head!
Some aliens landed,
they came from the sea.
They chatted on podcasts
appeared on T.V
They seemed really cool,
”We’re just here to make friends!”
But truly they came here
to serve their own ends…
”We’ve heard of a power source grown on the ground,
with orange vitality, fleshy and round.
We need those fresh pumpkins to power our craft.
We’ll mash ’em and smash ’em!” the aliens laughed.
They whipped them from windows,
from gardens, from shops.
They plucked, picked and pillaged
to harvest the crops.
Till every last pumpkin
was loaded on board,
and as they departed
those aliens ROARED!
”We’ve saved you from sugar, that rush is so bad,
your teeth will be healthy – you ought to be glad!
And when we’ve exhausted our vegetable stash,
we think that we’ve found something *else* we could mash.
It’s round and it’s fleshy, a mouth and two eyes
to power our ships from the sea to the skies.”
So, HALLOWEEN’S CANCELLED! You best go to bed.
If you go trick or treating – you might lose your head!
Christmas At The Patch
The Parsnip Prince was fearless and free.
”Christmas,” he cried, ”you won’t have me!”
”Come, my dear potato.
Come, my carrot friend.
If we don’t leave the veggie patch
we’re sure to meet our end!”
”Let’s leave this place together
escape the dinner plate.”
They wriggled from the frosty ground
before it was too late.
”We need a trusty steed – to carry us away.
I think I hear the sound of hooves…
Come on,” he yelled, ”this way!”
But what he thought was a clippety clop
was really a CHOP CHOP CHOP!
*Thank you roast potato.
*Mashed carrot – parsnip too.
*Our Christmas lunch wouldn’t taste so good, without the three of you.*
The Jumpscare!
Vampires have transformed their ways
We’re far more mindful beasts these days
No hunting humans for our food
To snack on people just seems rude!
No death by sunlight – that’s old hat
factor 50 helped with that
No high rise collar, red lined cloak
Those ‘On-brand’ clothes became a joke
No longer crave the blood of teens
and far more comfortable in jeans
Instead we hang at Café V. Sipping on our beetroot tea.
This chain of vegan cafés thrive
to help us vampires to survive
the abstinence from human blood
but beet tea – sadly – tastes like mud…
At brunch, an ‘old school’ vamp appeared
eyes aglow, with a goatee beard
A wheezy whisper in my ear
stale with the stench of veggie beer
Beet stained fangs – a ghoulish leer
”You need a bowl of human fear!”
”I like to eat responsibly.”
”Fear’s free range,” he said to me.
”Halloween and party poppers
horror films and champagne stoppers!
Humans love to scare themselves
I do hate waste. Let’s gorge ourselves!”
And so, we plan the JUMPSCARE!
A vampire type of self-care
But I won’t tell you what we’ll do…or the jumpscare might not frighten
YOU!
